Great feelings

I am feeling great! I have not fealt this great in a Long time!!!! Bishop Bryan has put some thoughts in my head and you also Br Pete you guy are helping alot! I have not felt this close to God in a long time!!!! I fear that it will all fall apart after I get holy orders...... I know it will work I pray I am strong this rode in long and I am just human, will I fall? Will I letGod down? Will I let myself down? yes yes yes....... I feel fear and I love it! Because for thelongest time I didnt fell anything! I fere what God will do to me! I FEAR GOD and yet I dont, GOD IS here, He is the fere and the lack of it..I love the ????? of it all, I wish people could feel the way I do, and then I would not wish my path to tis point to anyone! I know Chris in the sacerment will help me because I long for it so much! How dare I!!!! Am I worthy to recive Christ! NO! What helps is knowing no on is so we all are.....What A great thought God made man. and man made god! This is it this is the end point. Being a gnostic is so little now, it feels like years ago when i call my self that word but it worked for the time I have went on! Theosis!!!! To hell with Knowing god its a good first step but uniting with The unknow The beging and the end!!! That is my end point! Not to become GOD but one with him to lose my self to lose my I......TO be on with him that makes me want to cry..... that keeps me going I knew there was somethig out there to make me hold on!!!!!! Long the path is the sweeter the reward!!!!!! It has been a great weekend!!!!!! just perpairing for the crash............I know this is Gods way to get me ready for the 27th give me a boost before the flip on my head.... cant wate and see.......